“I’m not one to judge myself, but I think I did a pretty decent job so far. I mean, I thought taking the world would be, like, a lot harder. But apparently speech and debate really did prepare me for the future. Hey, climbing up to that ‘supreme ruler’ position requires negotiations, negotiations, and negotiations, and that requires you to formulate your own argument in order to persuade them to join you. If they don’t join you, well, TROOP TIME! >:D”

-Peter

 

In an old mansion in San Jose…

 

 

Lawrence followed his future self through the gigantic set of double doors and into an even larger room. This room was even darker than the first room, and Lawrence immediately felt anti-claustrophobic.

  

“This large room doesn’t feel right,” said Lawrence.

  

“Dr. Colon does this a lot. He’s a bit…off in the head,” replied Future Lawrence.

  

“What?” asked Lawrence. “What do you mean by that?”

  

“Um, let me just say that he can be a little…random and retarded at times,” said Future Lawrence.

  

“That doesn’t make a bit of sense,” said Lawrence.

  

Suddenly, a booming voice filled the room.

  

“No, Igor, don’t drop that sample! It is a very valuable- OH! Oh, never mind. I have plenty more anyway. Oh, um…ah yes! Visitors! Let me take a closer look at you, Lawrence! Ooh! Who is that with you? Is he your sister?”

 

 

“WHAT?!” Lawrence blurted out.

  

“Great Scott, she talks!”

  

“WHADDAYA THINK I AM, AN ICE CLIMBER?!” Lawrence yelled at the voice.

  

“Touchy subject, too,” replied the voice. “Maybe it’s because she hasn’t reached the preferred standard brain size yet…”

  

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” Lawrence yelled. He started stomping his foot on the ground, for there was nothing else in the room for him to destroy.

  

“Do be careful!” replied the voice. “Please try refrain from knocking over any of the invisible vials of invisible parasites!”

  

“ALL THE BETTER!” yelled Lawrence. He swung his feet and fists at his surroundings, trying to knock over the supposed invisible vials. Future Lawrence started suppressing laughter.

  

“What’s so funny?” asked Lawrence as he stopped moving.

  

“As I said, Dr. Colon is a bit random at times,” said Future Lawrence.

  

“What do you mean?” asked Lawrence.

 

 

“Ooh!” chirped the booming voice. “Another video for the annals of YouTube!”

 

 

“WHAT THE FRACKIN’ FRACKITY FRICK-FRACK?!” cried Lawrence in surprise. Suddenly, his face turned red and he forced steam out of his ears. A chuckle was heard at the other end.

  

“OOOO, SOMEONE IS GOING DOWN!” Lawrence yelled. 

 

Future Lawrence turned to face the general direction of the voice. 

 

“Yeah, Dr. Colon, we really need to see you. It’s urgent,” he said. 

 

“Ah yes, sorry! I was so busy being entertained by your compatriot there that I practically forgot the reason you’ve arrived!” exclaimed the voice. “Please, come in!” 

 

Suddenly, a bright white rectangle slowly expanded through the empty darkness of the dome. The rectangle took the shape of a door, and Lawrence was immediately blinded by the light. 

 

“Argh!” Lawrence yelled. “I’m blinded by the light!” 

 

“Step right through! Don’t worry, there is absolutely nothing to worry about!” exclaimed Dr. Colon. 

 

Suddenly, the bright door fizzed, and sparks flew. 

 

“Well,” said Dr. Colon, “Except that.” 

 

“Dr. Colon, you cease to amaze,” said Future Lawrence. 

 

“Why thank you, Lawrence,” the mad doctor replied, “I take that as a compliment.”

 

Lawrence and Future Lawrence stepped through the bright door…and into the unknown. 

 

---- 

 

Meanwhile, in Switzerland… 

 

The makeshift campfire was already extinguished, leaving the Scout to sit in silence as the three fugitives slept. The Scout rolled his baseball bat across his fingertips like a pen, showing off his leet skills to nobody in particular. Then, he heard a noise. Raising his baseball bat, the startled Scout spun around to see Victoria sitting where she was sleeping a few moments ago.

  

“You almost made me bonk your head off!” exclaimed the Scout as he lowered his bat. 

 

“Sorry,” said Victoria. “I was just thinking.”

  

“So?” said the Scout. 

 

“I was thinking about that uber-awesome dinner I preordered before I got here,” Victoria lamented. “I was going to have a double fudge sundae, black angus steakburgers, strawberry ice cream, grilled chicken pieces, potato salad. I was going to eat sushi! But now there’s nothing to eat but bloated Swiss cows.” 

 

“Was THAT why you’re awake?” the Scout exclaimed in disbelief. 

 

“Actually, no,” said Victoria. “I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was being chased by vampire bagels.”

 

The Scout opened his mouth to respond, but decided to keep quiet.

  

“Heh, whatever,” he said. 

 

I SAID ‘KEEP QUIET’, DAMMIT!

  

“Who the heck said that?” said the Scout as he looked around wildly at nobody in particular. 

 

Sorry. 

 

Anyway, the Scout turned back to find Victoria walking towards the tree line. 

 

“Hey! Where are you going?!” asked the Scout.

  

“I’m going hunting for food,” said Victoria. “I got to keep my mind off of them vampire bagels!”

  

“w/e,” said the Scout. 

 

Victoria disappeared into the trees and the Scout turned back to the remnants of the campfire, only to find Alvin awake. 

 

“Woah, hey, don’t people sleep around here?” asked the Scout. 

 

“What about you?” asked Alvin groggily.

  

“Nah,” said the Scout. “Sleep is useless.” 

 

Alvin slowly sat up and yawned.

  

“What time is it?” Alvin asked.

  

The Scout looked at his invisible watch.

  

“Bedtime,” he replied.

  

“No, seriously,” said Alvin. “What time is it?” 

 

“Its bedtime!” said the Scout. He gestured to the night sky around them. “See? It’s completely dark out here! Doesn’t take a genius to know night time from day time! It’s night time!” 

 

Suddenly, the sun’s cycle accelerated and replaced the moon in blistering speed. The entire area was illuminated in the warm glow of the sun, and the day birds started to sing. 

 

“What the hell?!” exclaimed a very surprised Scout. 

 

“What the hell?” murmured Alvin groggily. 

 

Glen suddenly sat up and stretched his arms. 

 

“Aaaaah!” Glen took a deep breath and grinned enthusiastically. “Goooooooooood morning!”

  

“What the- F---?!” said the Scout as he looked around.

  

“There’s nothing like the summer spring air in Switzerland!” exclaimed Glen.

  

He pointed at a tree branch, where two little songbirds whistled their happy tune.

  

“See that? That’s what I call PARADISE…” said Glen, who was clearly satisfied. 

 

The Scout abruptly shot the two birds with his shotgun. 

 

“Yeah, whatever,” said the Scout. “Paradise ain’t so paradise now.” 

 

Glen ignored the Scout and got up. He turned to Alvin. 

 

“So, where do we go now?” asked Glen. “Oh yes! The Long Cat crystal! I think I forgot to tell you guys that I have a locator device implanted in the crystal! We can track it down no matter where it is!”

  

“That’s good,” said Alvin, clearly aloof. “How do we find out its location?”

  

“We have to- Uh oh,” said Glen. “The locator software is hardwired into the Glensoft database, which is hardwired into the Glensoft skyscraper, which is like totally infested by Soviet goons and stuff!” 

 

“So we have to get to the skyscraper?” asked Alvin. 

 

“Yeah!” exclaimed Glen. “But while I was captured, I overheard Patrick talking about blowing up the place! Initially, I thought ‘no big deal’, because I got like a hundred other similar skyscrapers around the world! But, if that skyscraper blows up, then we gotta travel to Germany to reach the next Glensoft computer terminal!” 

 

“S---,” said Alvin. “Wait a minute, Patrick?” 

 

“Yep,” said Glen. 

 

“You mean the overweight computer dude? He’s EVIL?” asked Alvin. 

 

“He’s not overweight,” said Glen. “He’s just disproportioned.”

  

“><,” said Alvin.

  

“We gotta get to the skyscraper before they blow it up!” yelled Glen. “Scout, assemble a strike team!”

  

“Will do,” said the Scout. “But before we leave, I think we should find that other person.”

  

“What other person?” asked Alvin.

  

“That overly caffeinated-“

  

“Victoria?” chorused Glen and Alvin together. 

 

“Yeah,” said the Scout. “She said she went huntin’, and she went off in that direction.” 

 

The Scout pointed at where Victoria disappeared. 

 

“Dang,” said Glen. “We’ll have to find her then.”

  

“I’ll assemble your team,” said the Scout. He ran off into the wild. 

 

Alvin turned to Glen.

  

“Say, how exactly did you recruit that guy into your personal army?” asked Alvin. 

 

“Oh, you mean the Scout?” replied Glen. “He’s one of my latest creations.”