Alvin Chronicles Ep. 15
Patrick ran down a long, darkened hallway and around a corner. Four Soviet soldiers followed him, and together they ran through the corridors of the Glensoft skyscraper in their attempt to reach their exit.
“Come on!” Patrick huffed. “We have to get out of here before this place blows!”
“Why zee hell didn’t you rig the charges AFTER we left?!” one of the Soviet soldiers yelled back.
“I have no idea!” puffed Patrick.
They rounded another corner and entered a large sky-lit dome; the atrium. Patrick glanced at the maze of doors around the atrium.
“Dammit!” he scolded himself. “I knew we should’ve taken that left!”
A sickening thud resonated throughout the skyscraper, and small pieces of glass and cement sprinkled into the atrium.
“asjkdlfhaewilfhidon,” said Patrick.
Suddenly, a cleaver flew by him and hit one of the Soviet soldiers square in the chest. The soldier yelped and collapsed. Everybody immediately raised their weapons.
“SHOW YOURSELF!” yelled Patrick as he waved his pistol maniacally.
Another mini quake shook the skyscraper, and a chunk of ceiling fell past Patrick and into the atrium.
“I see you’re stuck,” a mysterious voice replied. “Allow me to help you.”
“Huh?” asked Patrick. “You’re not- who are you?”
A figure stepped out from above Patrick’s location, across the atrium. This figure wore military goggles and a scarf that covered his face. Cleavers dangled around his waist, and two swords were strapped to his back.
“Who the heck are you?” asked Patrick.
“I am here to help you,” replied the figure.
“You just killed one of my men!” yelled Patrick. “How the hell is that supposed to help me?”
“I needed an awesome entrance,” said the figure.
“Dammit!” said Patrick. “Soldiers, shoot him!”
Patrick and the three remaining soldiers raised their rifles and started firing randomly. The figure jumped off his platform and disappeared.
“Okay,” said Patrick. “That was weird.”
He looked around at the dissipating structure.
“Now what?” he said.
--
In Switerland…
Glen and Alvin ran through the woods. They heard a loud crack in the distance.
“My skyscraper!” Glen said. “The self-destruct system…it WORKS!”
“Come on, Glen!” whined Alvin. “Our ticket out of here is exploding!”
“WOOOO!” yelled Glen.
Alvin and Glen sprinted towards the skyscraper, with Alvin frequently pausing to wait for Glen to catch up. Finally, both of them stopped in a clearing.
“Wait, were we supposed to be moving towards the skyscraper or looking for Victoria?” Alvin asked.
“I don’t care!” said Glen enthusiastically. “I just want to enjoy the Swiss scenery!”
“-.-,” said Alvin.
Suddenly, he heard a rustle in the bushes. Alvin quickly pulled out his chopsticks.
“Who’s there?” he yelled at nobody in particular.
As soon as those words exited Alvin’s mouth, a pink ice cream truck barreled into the clearing. Victoria jumped out of the driver’s seat.
“Hi, guys!” she said. “Look what I found!”
“ICE CREAM!” yelled Glen.
“A disgrace to humanity,” said Alvin.
“No!” said Victoria. “It’s an ice cream truck!”
“Yeah,” said Alvin. “We know.”
“Does it have ICE CREAM in it?” asked Glen.
“Actually, yeah,” said Victoria. “It has all 32 flavors!”
“YAWM!” said Glen.
“Guy and girl!” Alvin piped up. “We have to get to the Glensoft skyscraper before it blows up!”
“Why do we have to go to the skyscraper?” asked Victoria. “Didn’t Glen just come from there?”
“We need to get the Long Cat Crystal’s coordinates, located in the skyscraper’s computer terminal! If it blows up, then-“
“-We go to Germany!” finished Glen.
“I’ve always wanted to see Germany,” said Victoria. “I heard they have good sausage restaurants!”
“No!” said Alvin. “We can’t waste time! If we want the Long Cat Crystal, we’ll need to get to it before the Soviet leader gets his hands on it!”
“You mean Peter,” said Glen.
“Yeah,” said Alvin.
“Well then, no problem,” said Victoria. “We can travel in this ice cream truck.”
“Why do we have to do that?” asked Alvin. “Can’t we just walk? I mean, come on, this thing’s got a pink chibi pig painted to its side.”
“All the better ^^!” said Victoria.
“And it’s got a pink polar bear painted to its other side,” said Glen.
“Penguin slayer!” said Victoria.
“Fine,” groaned Alvin. “Let’s just go.”
The three of them climbed into the ice cream truck. Victoria sat in the driver’s seat, with Alvin sitting in the passenger’s seat. Glen sat in the back and marveled at all the available ice cream. Victoria cranked the engine.
“Wait a minute,” said Alvin. “Victoria, you know how to drive?”
“Not yet,” said Victoria.
“Oh dear,” said Alvin. He quickly clung onto a metal bar in front of him.
The ice cream truck lurched into the woods.
--
In Moscow, Russia…
Lawrence and Future Lawrence looked around at their surroundings.
“This doesn’t look like that evil doctor’s lab,” said Lawrence.
“No it isn’t,” said Future Lawrence. “We’re in Moscow, Russia.”
“How do you know that?” asked Lawrence.
“I looked five lines up,” said Future Lawrence.
Lawrence looked up.
“You mean seven lines up,” he said.
“No,” said Future Lawrence. “Eight.”
“Now it’s nine,” said Lawrence.
“It doesn’t matter,” said Future Lawrence, “What matters now is that we have to figure out WHY we’re in Russia.”
“I know,” said Lawrence. “It’s because the evil doctor hates us and sent us here.”
“Dr. Colon is a respectable mad scientist,” said Future Lawrence. “He pioneered the science of telekinetic transport.”
“That’s obvious,” said Lawrence.
He looked around.
“Why isn’t it snowing?” asked Lawrence. “It’s Russia, right? Shouldn’t there be snow here?”
A huge pile of snow landed on top of Lawrence.
“Past Lawrence!” Future Lawrence yelled. He quickly grabbed a hold of Lawrence’s feet and pulled him out.
Lawrence coughed up snow. “What was that?” he said, bewildered.
Both Lawrences looked up and saw a large mechanical dog head staring back down at them.
“Uhhh…nice doggy?” said Future Lawrence.
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!” the dog bellowed.
“Oh, crap!” Lawrence yelled.
The two Lawrences quickly ran off into the winter wilderness, followed closely by the large dog.
--
In Peterbase…
Peter stroked the fur of his cat and thought thoughts. McClellan walked in.
“Sir,” he said. “The Long Cat Crystal is almost here.”
“Good work,” said Peter. “Send a detachment of my personal guard to meet with the convoy.”
“Will do, sir,” said McClellan. He stepped out of the chamber. Suddenly, another man walked in.
“Sir,” said the man. “Your new iPhone is here.”
“Really?” Peter suddenly looked interested. “Send it to me at once, Patterson!”
“Yes sir,” said Patterson. He left the chamber.
Suddenly, Peter’s phone rang. Peter answered it.
“Peter here,” he said.
“Now look at what you’ve done,” said a familiar voice. “One of your associates has been driven mad.”
“You’re still alive, Jenny?” asked Peter. “I thought Patrick and his squads would be more than a match for you. I guess I was wrong.”
“I’ve killed a lot of your men,” said Jenny. “In fact, I’ve killed so many that I’ve lost track of my kills.”
“Then why do you keep trying?” asked Peter matter-of-factly.
“Because you keep sending them after me,” said Jenny. “If you hadn’t deployed thirty billion soldiers between you and me, I would have gone straight up to you and cleavered you.”
“But that’s the point,” said Peter. “I only need to delay you long enough for me to get my hands on the crystal. After that, it’s game over for you and the Agency. PETER WILL TAKE OVER THE WOOORLD! THAT WILL SHOW ALL THOSE NON-BELIEVERS WHO MADE ME LOSE THAT DEBATE TOURNAMENT BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL! TAKE THAT, LOGAN!”
“You will never get your hands on the crystal,” said Jenny. “I will make it my mission to destroy that crystal.”
“Go ahead, then,” said Peter. “It’s not like anybody is paying you anymore.”
“You’d be surprised,” said Jenny. She hung up.
Peter sat back on his throne and patted his cat on the head.
“You don’t think anything’s going to go wrong, do you, Baby?” he said to the cat.
“Heck no,” said Baby.
Baby purred.
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