Alvin peered out from behind an abandoned table and watched the still flaming wreckage of the cafeteria. Jason, Howard and Lawrence did the same.

 

Alvin squinted, trying to see past the massive consuming blaze, but all he could see was were his veins. Alvin quickly blinked his eyes a couple times, surprised and disgusted.

 

“Man, look at all that fire.” Howard said.

 

Daniel raised his hands slowly. “Hey, if I somehow caused this fire, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t know fake guns could create such a huge explosion-“

 

“It wasn’t you,” Alvin said, “This blast has all the trademarks of Apple marketing people.”

 

“Apple marketing people?” everybody said at once.

 

“You mean, people who sell apples?” Lawrence added, confused.

 

“No, you idiot!” said Daniel, appalled at Lawrence’s lack of knowledge, “It’s the computer company that makes those Macs and iPods!”

 

“Oh,” Lawrence replied, “I don’t know these things, okay? I use a Macintosh, not an Apple.”

 

Daniel groaned in disbelief.

 

Suddenly, distant chatter echoed through the area. Alvin pulled out his M9 handgun and loaded it. Everybody else gasped.

 

“Woah! Is that a real gun?”

 

“Alvin, where did you get that gun?”

 

“Do you have a gun permit?”

 

“That’s an M9 pistol. A Deagle’s much better though…BOOM BOOM BOOM!”

 

“I thought guns didn’t exist!”

 

“Is it made by Apple?”

 

“Oh hey, I have an extra banana!”

 

Alvin sighed and put his gun away.

 

“Hey, why did you put that away?”

 

“Take the gun back out!”

 

“You look cool with that gun!”

 

“Do you have any more?”

 

“You should trade it in for a Deagle.”

 

“Is a Deagle made by Apple as well?”

 

“Alvin, where do you keep that gun?”

 

“Do you keep it in the same place as where I like to keep my banana?”

 

Alvin turned to face everyone else.

 

“Guys, if you can’t be mature, then I won’t bother with the handgun, okay? Now please be quiet. Somebody’s coming, and I’m not sure if it’s a friendly or not.”

 

Alvin turned back around and took out his second line of defense, a pair of chopsticks. More gasps.

 

“Woah! Are those chopsticks?”

 

“Are those made in China?”

 

“Are those made out of china?”

 

“Deagle’s still better!”

 

“Banana phone!”

 

Alvin groaned. Then, he looked up. The chattering was coming closer now, and Alvin could barely make out the voice. Alvin squinted, and through his veins he saw somebody familiar walking past them, communicating into a cell phone.

 

“Oh yes, and a double fudge sundae on top of that, as well as a black angus steakburger and a strawberry ice cream and grilled chicken pieces and potato salad. Oh yeah, I also want sushi. Rainbow, caterpillar, California, San Mateo, Microsoft rolls, ebi, fish, lasagn- What? You don’t have sushi? Okay, fine. Cancel that. I would also like a root beer float, Pepsi float, Dr. Pepper float, fruit punch float, Sprite float, Seven Up float, cherry cola float, orange soda float, cranberry soda float, apple cider and a seven pound steak to top it all off. Yes, that’s my order. What? WHAT? No, I do not want fries with that!”

 

Howard stood up and waved frantically.

 

“Hey, Victoria!”

 

Victoria turned around and spotted Howard and the rest of the group. Still listening to her cell phone, she waved back and continued walking towards the blaze.

 

“Victoria! Stop!”

 

Victoria kept walking, ignoring Howard.

 

“Victoria!” Jason called out. “Stop! You’re about to walk into a fire!”

 

“Restrain from exerting forward momentum!” Howard called out.

 

Victoria stopped just five feet from the smoke and blaze and glared at Howard. She covered her cell phone.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Table for one. Yeah, I pay the bill later. Okay, bye.”

 

Victoria shut off her cell phone and turned to Howard, who was across the quad behind an overturned lunch table.

 

“Howard!” she yelled. “What did I say about not interrupting a phone conversation when somebody is in one?! I was ordering my dinner!”

 

“There’s a fire right next to you!” Lawrence yelled back through cupped hands.

 

“You almost died!” yelled Daniel.

 

“Did you say there’s a fire?!” Victoria put one hand up to her ear to listen better. “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you! This fire’s too loud!”

 

“There’s a fire- wait, what?!” Howard yelled back.

 

“I SAID-“Victoria suddenly realized why she was feeling unbearable heat to her right.

 

“FIRE!!!” Victoria panicked and ran towards everyone else. She got about halfway through the quad before hitting an invisible wall and falling.

 

“How did that happen?” Howard asked.

 

“Don’t ask.” Victoria, who was magically next to them, said in a tired voice.

 

“That was strange,” said Daniel. “Right, Alvin?”

 

“Porn,” said Alvin.

 

A sniper rifle cracked, and everybody dove for cover.

 

“Holy shi-!” Alvin said, “Was it something I said?”

 

He could barely make out a silhouette holding a long rifle disappear somewhere along the band room roof seventy yards away.

 

“There! I saw something on the roof of the band room!” Howard said. “Is that an Apple marketing guy?”

 

“I don’t think so,” said Daniel. “That sniper was carrying an M21 Sniper Rifle. It’s military gear.”

 

“What? How did you know that, Daniel?” Victoria asked.

 

“Yeah, nobody saw it,” said Lawrence.

 

“Well, I heard it, and the range and pitch of the shot sounds just like an M21,” shrugged Daniel.

 

Alvin took out his chopsticks.

 

“It doesn’t matter what that guy is carrying. We’re going to take him out,” he said.

 

“How?” asked Jason.

 

“Did somebody say the first syllable of my name?” asked Howard.

 

“We’re going to surround him,” said Alvin, ignoring Howard. “Daniel and Lawrence, you two go left towards the band room. Jason and Victoria, go to the right. Howard, you are coming with me through the rooftops. Hansen- wait a minute, where’s Hansen?”

 

Everybody looked around and shook their heads.

 

“I swear he was here a minute ago,” said Daniel.

 

“Aw,” said Alvin, “I was going to use him as bait. Oh well. We’ll all meet up in the auto yard. He should be there.”

 

Everybody got up and followed Alvin’s plan…

 

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