Alvin and Howard slowly slid over the brown roof tiles above the band room. The anticipation was high, and the secret agent quietly loaded his M9 handgun.

 

“Um, what was your plan again?” Howard asked nervously.

 

“We flank the sniper and then we nab him,” Alvin said.

 

“Yeah, but how exactly do we catch a guy with a sniper rifle?” Howard asked.

 

“Oh…um…” Alvin scratched his chin. “Errr…oops?”

 

“What if the sniper’s a trained Nazi ubermarksman? What if the ubernazisnipermarksman kills one of us??? That’s a scary thought.”

 

“If you want a scary thought, you should have seen the nightmare I had yesterday night.” Alvin rasped.

 

“No thanks.” Howard said.

 

Alvin and Howard stopped crawling and looked out into the auto yard. Alvin could barely see Daniel and Lawrence hiding behind a couple of recycle bins to the left, and watched as Jason and Victoria slowly approached from the right.

 

Alvin watched with a tense glare as someone in a paintball mask exited the art wing into the auto yard. The masked stranger carried a grey sniper rifle on his back, and was looking at a PDA in his gloved hand.

 

“Okay, now what?” asked Howard.

 

Suddenly, Lawrence ran out into the auto yard, screaming like a maniac.

 

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!!!” Lawrence ululated.

 

The sniper watched, dumbfounded, as Lawrence charged at him with arms flopping everywhere.

 

“Lawrence, no!” Daniel yelled.

 

“Don’t go near the ubernazipwnagesniperpaintballmaskmarksman by yourself!” yelled Howard.

 

The sniper raised his right arm directly in front of his head, and waited as Lawrence came careening down towards him at one mile an hour. Alvin raised his handgun and braced himself.

 

Lawrence ran into the sniper’s right arm and was sent back flipping into the recycling bins. Daniel dove out of the way just in time before taking out his iPhone and turning on the Lightsaber application. Daniel got up and charged at the sniper.

 

“Take this!” Daniel yelled, and waved his iPhone back and forth. The hum of a lightsaber pierced the air, and the sniper watched as Daniel swung the iPhone at him. The iPhone missed by ten feet, and Daniel tripped over a rock and landed on his back.

 

“I got him!” yelled Victoria. She took out chocolate brownies and started throwing them at the sniper. The sniper deflected all of them with his right arm.

 

“Let me get him!” Jason ran up, wielding two bananas, one in each hand. He squeezed one of the bananas and the meat flew out of the peel at supersonic speed. The sniper stepped aside, and the banana flew by him and hit Lawrence, who was just getting back up to his feet. Lawrence grunted on the impact and again fell backwards into the recycle bins.

 

The sniper reached towards his utility belt and pulled out a boomerang. One swift throw of the boomerang knocked both Victoria and Jason off their feet.

 

“Eat Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!” yelled Howard as he jumped off the roof. Howard pulled out a large piece of steak and swung it. The blunt side of the steak hit the sniper in the head, and he crumpled.

 

“Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Howard yelled in victory, and took a bite out of his steak. Suddenly, the sniper spun on his back and hit Howard with spinning boots. Howard, surprised, fell backwards.

 

The sniper got up, and brushed dust off his uniform. He turned away and was about to pick up his PDA when out of nowhere a chopstick flew in and hit him in the back of the head. The sniper fell.

 

Alvin jumped off the roof and walked to the fallen sniper, who groaned.

 

Howard, Victoria, Jason and Daniel got up slowly and also made their way to the sniper.

 

“Who is this guy?” asked Daniel, rubbing his left shoulder. The iPhone was still in his right hand, and Daniel could not imagine why the lightsaber did not do anything.

 

Alvin picked up his chopstick and turned to face the sniper, who was still on the ground.

 

“Well, we’re about to find out,” said Alvin, and without a period of suspense he pulled off the sniper’s paintball mask.

 

“It’s…Matt?” Jason said, surprised.

 

“Agent Matthew?” Alvin asked.

 

Matt, the sniper, sat up and brushed dust off his shoulder. “About time, Agent Alvin.” He said.

 

“Woah woah woah,” Jason said. “Agent Matthew? Agent Alvin?”

 

“Did you blow up the cafeteria? Did you kill all the people in there? Did you attempt to kill us? Did the Agency send you to do all this?” blurted Alvin.

 

“No!” Matt looked at Alvin like Alvin had said something crazy, “To clear things up, I did not blow up that cafeteria, and I did not attempt to kill you. It was a warning shot.”

 

“Yeah, a warning shot that went Kerrack!” Daniel said.

 

“If it wasn’t you,” said Alvin, “Then who exploded the cafeteria? Why are you here?”

 

“The Apple marketing people blew up the cafeteria,” Matt said, and picked up his PDA. “They’re in league with the Russian Nationalists now, Alvin. I was sent here by the Agency to find a time machine.”

 

“Time machine?” asked Daniel. “Like the ones that go WARP WARP WARP?”

 

“What is wrong with him?” asked Matt.

 

“Just ignore him,” said Victoria.

 

Alvin turned to face Matt.

 

“Why would there be a time machine here?” Alvin asked. “Does it have anything to do with the cafeteria explosion? Is that why the Apple marketing people destructioned the cafeteria?”

 

“Destructioned?” asked Victoria.

 

“Hey, I suck at verbs,” replied Alvin.

 

“Then drop them entirely,” Victoria suggested.

 

“Hey, good idea,” said Alvin.

 

“I’m not sure,” said Matt, “All I know is that there’s a time machine somewhere in this auto yard that will blow up in about ten seconds.”

 

“BLOW UP?” echoed everyone.

 

“Yeah,” said Matt, “I was going to disable it, but now my head hurts, so I don’t feel like disabling it anymore.”

 

“What?! But…” trailed Jason. “But, what will happen to us?”

 

“I don’t know what will happen to you,” said Matt, “But I have a special device in my PDA that will allow me to stay in this time period when the time machine blows. So I’m safe.”

 

“But why?” asked Alvin. “How could you this to us?”

 

“If I had more PDAs, I’d be happy to share them with you, but there’s nothing I can do. You’ll have to either run or stay here.”

 

“LET’S RUN!” yelled Jason. He got up and ran seventy miles an hour towards the auto yard exit.

 

Suddenly, the time machine blew up, and a bright flash engulfed everyone, and singing cats started falling out of the pink sky.

 

“AAH!” Howard yelled. “We’re all going to die!”

 

“Yay! Cats!” said Victoria.

 

Everything faded to white.

 

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