Alvin Chronicles 5: Advance, Comrade!
Lawrence walked up to the lunch line and eyed the prices on the LED display board above him, bewildered. Did he really time travel? Lawrence felt out of place in this strange new world, and he suddenly felt an urge to go home.
“Twenty dollars for a muffin?” Lawrence dramatically emphasized.
A student in front of Lawrence turned around and glanced at him, before turning back. Lawrence could hear stifled laughter in front of him.
Suddenly, a security guard arrived and tugged at Lawrence’s shoulder. Lawrence turned to face the security guard.
“Sir, are you authorized to be here?” the guard asked.
“Um, yeah…” Lawrence said.
“Then let me see your ID.” The guard drawled.
“What ID?” asked Lawrence.
“Your wrist barcode,” replied the guard.
“Huh?”
“Don’t kid with me, boy, and show me some ID!” the guard’s temper flared.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Lawrence said.
The guard huffed and gave up. “Show me your hands.”
“Uh, okay,” said Lawrence. Lawrence slowly raised both of his hands…
…and then he started to do the Macarena.
“Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena, Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena. Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena. Heeeeey, Macarena!” Lawrence sang while dancing.
“What the hell?” the guard stared. Everybody around Lawrence also stared at his out of fashion dance.
“Um…” Lawrence looked around, feeling awkward.
“That’s it, boy, you’re going to go see the principal,” said the guard.
“NOOOO!” said Lawrence.
Somewhere in Soviet Russia…
Comrade Peter Tang sat in his large chair, and a sizably plump cat sat in his lap. A large LCD monitor flashed to life, and Patrick appeared on screen.
“Oh hey there, Patrick,” said Peter, “How’s the project coming along?”
“Everything is going according to plan,” Patrick said evilly. “Mr. Takahashi is out of commission, and I have access to all his corporate systems. MWUHAHAHA-“
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Peter pet his cat. “What have you found?”
“Well, apparently Glen has been carefully digging his way into the Swiss government. He’s got access to most of the government’s virtual network.”
“Shut it down,” said Peter.
“What are you going to do?” asked Patrick.
“I’m going to party at my mansion, and then I’m going to get drunk. And then I’m going to get lai-“
“I mean after that,” interrupted Patrick.
“Oh,” said Peter. “Well, I’m going to wake up in a hangover, and then I’m going to brush my teeth, and then I’m going to…”
“After that,” said Patrick.
“Oh,” said Peter. “I’m going to send in my Soviet Russian troops into Europe and conquer the world!”
“Yes!” said Patrick.
“MWUHAHAHA!” gloated Peter.
“MWUHAHAHA!” laughed Patrick evilly.
“MWUHAHAHAHAHA!” they both echoed.
In the outskirts of Switzerland…
Alvin and Victoria hastily ran through cobblestone streets and past cottages, looking for directions.
“Where are we going again?” asked Victoria.
“We’re going towards that building,” Alvin pointed. Victoria looked where Alvin was pointing and saw a huge skyscraper in the distance.
“Why are we going there?” asked Victoria.
“Because that building says ‘Glensoft’ on the side,” replied Alvin.
“Glensoft?” asked Victoria.
“Yes,” said Alvin, “remember Glen?”
“Who’s Glen?” asked Victoria.
“Um…” said Alvin.
“Anyway, I’m hungry, and I have nothing to eat,” Victoria grumbled. “I was going to enjoy a dinner tonight at that restaurant, but now I can only dream of the warm, moist, tender, delicious, juicy steak and the fluffy, ice cool cream sherbet…and the luscious fresh salmon and the buttery scrumptious silky hot chocolate…”
“AAAH!” Alvin yelled, and kneeled. “I can’t take it anymore! I’m dying of hunger!!!”
Suddenly, Victoria spotted a small building with the sign ‘SWISS CHEESE AND ICE CREAM’.
“OMIGOSH!!!!!” Victoria screamed. She started running towards the small building.
“Wait, where are you going?” Alvin ran after her.
Meanwhile, in New York…
“RUN!” yelled Jason.
Jason and Howard rounded a corner and sprinted down a stretch of road. Two camouflaged soldiers ran after them, yelling in Russian.
“What are Russians doing in New York?!” yelled Howard.
“Must be another potato famine!” Jason yelled back.
One of the Russian soldiers fired his AK-47 at them, and the two stragglers veered into an alley.
Bad idea.
“Oh sh! We’re trapped!” Jason said.
“><” said Howard.
The Russians rounded the corner and raised their AK-47s.
“We’re gonna die!” yelled Howard.
Suddenly, a familiar voice rang out.
“BOOM BOOM BOOM!” yelled the voice.
Bullets hit the two Russian soldiers, and they crumpled.
“Woah! Daniel, is that you?” said Jason.
Daniel appeared on a rooftop above them and lowered his M21 sniper rifle. However, this Daniel looked a little bit different from the other Daniel.
“Jason? You look younger than I remember you being,” said Daniel, confused.
“Oh, great. It’s Daniel from the future!” lamented Howard.
“Daniel?” scoffed Daniel. “I am not Daniel! I am Uberdaniel!”
Daniel paused and pondered over his words.
“Actually, I am not Uberdaniel,” said Daniel. “I am Agent Uberdaniel.”
“Agent Uberdaniel?” Jason scratched his chin. “What’s with all this ‘Agent’ crap?”
“No time to explain,” Uberdaniel said. “The Ruskies are on the lookout. We’ll have to get out of here. Follow me!”
Uberdaniel disappeared from the edge of the roof.
“Wait!” Howard yelled, a bit too late. “We can’t…get on…the roof…”
“Now what?” wondered Jason.
In some sort of dreamland…**
“Companion cube, companion cube…” sang Ryan Hansen. “Oh, how I love the companion cube!”
Pink clouds with wings slowly circled around Hansen, humming a note in unison. Purple curtains opened and closed, and a large door opened. Light poured from the door, and Hansen was bewildered. Bunnies and butterflies entered, and surrounded Hansen with everlasting exuberance.
The sun, high in the orange sky, stared at Hansen with its red long cat eyes.
“Oh look!” wisped Hansen. “A unicorn!”
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