Alvin Chronicles 6: Phase Two Hath Commenceth

 

Soviet Siberian Headquarters

 

Peter watched with rapt attention as dots moved around his large LED World Map. Each of those dots represented an entire battalion of Soviet troops, and each of those dots were spreading rapidly out of Russia's borders into neighboring countries. Soon, Peter would capture countries like Mongolia, Poland and Chechnya. Heck, soon Peter would capture the WORLD.

 

Peter silently laughed to himself, and heard his cat purr.

 

A uniformed Russian entered. This imposing figure was General Igor Dementov, and the eye patch across his right eye showed the brutalness of the numerous campaigns he went through. Dementov was a savage killer, and his heavy Russian accent belied the fact that he was indeed insane.

 

“Komrad Peterov,” Dementov reported, “All units are converging on their targets. Your primary objective will be reached in a week, allowing that no variables delay our operation.”

 

“Are there any variables?” asked Peter.

 

Dementov glared passionately into empty space. “Some patrols in New York City report that Agency agents are hassling their operations.”

 

“Anything else?” asked Peter.

 

“Also, there is a nude demonstration in Kamarov Square in former Uzbekistan.” Dementov said.

 

“Let that go,” said Peter. “It's probably a rave party.”

 

“Yes, Komrad Peterov,” acknowledged Dementov. “Any further orders?”

 

“Are the Special Forces in position?” asked Peter.

 

“Of course, Komrad,” said Dementov.

 

“Tell them to begin Phase Two.”

---

In Switzerland...

Alvin scanned the countryside nervously and turned to Victoria, who was flipping boxes from top shelves. They were both inside the SWISS CHEESE AND ICE CREAM store, which seemed to be abandoned.

 

“WHERE IS ALL THE FOOD???” she yelled.

 

“Something's not right. My Alvin senses are picking up anomalies.” Alvin cautiously said.

 

Victoria stopped destroying empty cardboard boxes and turned to Alvin. “What do you mean?” she asked.

 

“Wait...” Alvin put his chopsticks to his temple and rubbed them back and forth, thinking vigorously.

 

“Abandoned store...SWISS CHEESE AND ICE CREAM...cardboard boxes...dust...abandoned...bad business...Switzerland...”

 

“What are you randomly uttering about?” Victoria asked, now confused.

 

“I have it!” Alvin exclaimed. “We're in Switzerland!”

 

“And how exactly did you discern that?”

 

“I remember being here on a missio- I mean, um, on a family vacation! This store was my primary extraction point- I mean, point of interest on my family vacation! This is Switzerland! Only it's in the future! That's why I could not recognize it when we were outside. But now that we're inside this store, I can remember every single detail of the mi- vacation!”

 

“Okay, so we're in Switzerland. What does that have to do with-” Victoria began before Alvin interrupted her.

 

“A Swiss store? Abandoned?” Alvin wondered aloud. “That doesn't make sense...”

 

Suddenly, a pang of realization hit him.

 

“VICTORIA! GET DOWN!” Alvin screamed.

 

“What? Why?” Victoria panicked.

 

Alvin pushed Victoria behind the store counter and armed his M9 handgun.

 

“What's going on? Why are you so pissed?” Victoria asked.

 

“Pissed?” Alvin replied heavily. “I'm not pissed. I just realized something. Stores in Switzerland don't become abandoned. They prosper because of the impregnable Swiss economy.”

 

Alvin paused to catch his breath.

 

“By impregnable, I mean indestructible.” Alvin informed Victoria.

 

“Oh,” she replied. “I thought you said something else.”

 

“An abandoned store in Switzerland can only mean two things,” Alvin continued, his eyes scanning the windows. “A commie trap or a freak of nature.”

 

Suddenly, ceiling panels popped open, and live grenades dropped down into the room, suspended in the air by strings.

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Victoria and Alvin yelled in unison.

 

“LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!” Alvin squealed.

 

Alvin and Victoria quickly sprinted to the exit, brushing grenades aside. Once there, Alvin tried opening the door. The door wouldn't budge.

 

“Shat! The door's jammed!” Alvin yelled.

 

Victoria tried kicking the door, but to no avail.

 

“We have to do something!” she yelled back to Alvin.

 

“Oh, sure, that's useful advice!” Alvin snapped back.

 

He wacked the door with his chopsticks.

 

“Sooner or later, this door will be worn out by these chopsticks!” Alvin figured.

 

“We don't HAVE sooner or later!” Victoria yelled, and with one swift punch broke a large display window just beside the locked door.

 

They both quickly dove through the broken window, and just in time. The grenades disappeared in a flash, and a large explosion engulfed the entire store in orange and black. Victoria and Alvin, in slow-mo, landed on the pavement and rolled a few more yards away from the ruined store.

 

Alvin sat up, coughing wildly. He surveyed the smoking remains of the SWISS CHEESE AND ICE CREAM store, and turned to look over at Victoria...

 

He was met with an AK-47 nozzle to the face.

 

Alvin, without moving his head, slowly looked up. A uniformed Soviet soldier was looking down at him grimly. The Soviet soldier had a gas mask situated on the top of his head, and his colored shoulder patch indicated that the soldier was a member of the 5TH SPETSNAZ.

 

“Um, hello?” Alvin managed a meek reply.

 

The Spetsnaz soldier grunted and knocked Alvin unconscious with a swift AK-47 blow to the head.

---

 

In New York...

Jason looked over at Howard with a sardonic face and said, “Nice work.”

 

After two long hours, Howard finally got himself on the roof. Jason felt pity for Howard. The “Lunch Line Bullet”, as Jason was sometimes known as, had sprinted his way up the wall onto the roof, then had to watch as Howard painstakingly built a makeshift ladder with some old pipes lying inside a nearby dumpster.

 

Howard gasped for air, and held up his blistered right hand. “This had better be worth it,” he said.

 

Jason stood up. “Well,” he said. “Now we have to find where Daniel went.”

 

“Can we wait awhile?” Howard whined. “My hand hurts, and I'm dead tired.”

 

“But it's quickly becoming dark, and the Russians are going to find us soon if we don't find Daniel-”

 

“Hey!” yelled a voice from below. “Hey!”

 

“Huh?” Jason scrambled to the edge of the roof and peered down. Agent Uberdaniel was below, in the alley they were just in.

 

“What are you two doing up there?” called out Uberdaniel.

 

“What are you doing down there??” Jason returned.

 

“Hey, answer my question first!” Uberdaniel replied.

 

“Fine then. We came up here, onto the roof, because you told us to!” Jason yelled, frustrated.

 

“Well,” shrugged Uberdaniel, “I figured you two wouldn't be able to go on the roof, so I came back down.”

 

“Now what?” exclaimed Jason.

 

“You two are going to have to come back down!” said Uberdaniel.

 

Howard groaned mightily.

---

In Lynbrook High School...

Lawrence, escorted by the burly security guard he encountered earlier, entered the principal's office. The captured time traveler looked around, amazed by the many plaques and awards hanging on the wall. Lawrence had no idea what was going on, but he still admired the awards, and seemed happy that Lynbrook High School still had its successful track record going.

 

The guard shoved him into a position right in front of the principal's desk. Lawrence stared at the back of a black swiveling chair that was probably occupied by the principal him/herself. Lawrence gulped. Would he get reprimanded for his behavior? He didn't want to flunk a school he didn't even go to anymore.

 

The chair containing the principal slowly turned to face Lawrence. When the chair completed its turn, Lawrence let out a gasp of shock.

 

In the chair sat a person who unmistakably looked like Lawrence himself, but looked probably about ten years older. Suddenly, Lawrence shot a look at the name plaque situated on the front of the desk.

 

LAWRENCE TRASK, PRINCIPAL

 

“Holy...cow...” Lawrence could barely croak.

 

His future counterpart took off a pair of reading glasses and polished them, before putting them back on.

 

“Who do we have here now, Jim?” Future Lawrence the Principal said in a bored voice.

 

Jim, the security guard, said, “I caught this guy singing an illegal song next to the quad. He's an unauthorized visitor, sir.”

 

“Really now?” said Future Lawrence, finally inclining his head to have a clear look at Lawrence. “Let's see who this guy is... HOLY SH** ON A F****** F*** S*** BUN!”

---

In an shadowy location...

 

A mysterious figure watched silently on his monitor as Soviet troops enclosed around a complex.

 

“Weasel,” he said in a commanding yet cold voice.

 

“Yes, sir?” Weasel squeaked. The little sidekick approached the mysterious man in a cautious manner.

 

“Did we capture anybody in our Time Rupture Realm?” The figure asked calmly.

 

“Y-y-yes, sir,” Weasel stuttered. “However, sir, we unfortunately only managed to capture one, even though there were multiple targets in the a-a-area, sir.”

 

“One will be enough,” The shadowy figure said. “Bring him on the monitor.”

 

Weasel shakily complied, and on the monitor the image of the Soviet soldiers fizzed into an image of Ryan Hansen playing with pink bunnies in a fantasy rainbow land.

 

The figure smiled maliciously, and waited.

 

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